Initially Shannon and I had booked Thailand because we knew we were going to want some pretty beaches, be able to wear bikinis and show off our shoulders and knees after being covered in India. We booked our Christmas flights to Thailand in August 2019 and our Christmas accommodation in a resort with a pool. We wanted to do this as cheaply as possible but also, with some comfort after India. We had both been in Thailand before and were both aware of what to expect.

We landed in Phuket after a very easy flight. We won the seat lottery and had 3 seats to ourselves. It was a treat, lots of reading, writing and chatting. Phuket airport was handy enough to get through and we got our visa on arrival and got into a minivan to get us to Patong. Phuket, from what I had heard was absolutely feral and had a big party scene. Just because that’s its reputation, it doesn’t mean that’s all it is I’m aware but all I’d heard was how it’s great for a party. We passed hoards of young people out boozing with their matching singlets from pub crawls in Phuket and Phi Phi Island and holding buckets… we were definitely in Thailand!

Shannon and I collapsed into our beds and couldn’t be happier to have little pods for the night so we didn’t have to interact with anyone.

Day 1 of Thailand started with a nice walk to the beach and the water… Oh my lord. I had tried to convince myself that the beaches of Goa were nice and not that dirty but in comparison they looked like they’d had tonnes of petrol poured into them. The waters were crystal clear and the sand was beautifully clean. It was pure bliss! I had a potter in the afternoon, ate loads of food and chilled. It was a very touristy area as we expected and it was a huge contrast to India. I felt completely out of place and it was all a bit overwhelming to be honest. Overwhelming in a completely different way to India. India is as culturally different as you can get from being brought up in Ireland but Phuket was fluorescent singlets, sun burnt skin, hot pants, flesh and loud shit tunes. It was an assault on the senses in a completely different way.

The start of our Thailand trip was to be a bit of party as we were off to Phi Phi Island next where we planned a night of drinking and dancing. We hadn’t been out boozing and dancing at all in India and we were very excited! We started with beers, onto buckets and all ending with limbo and Shannon insisting on taking me home. Blind leading the blind! We danced all night on the beach and had an absolute ball! I slept in very late the next day, clearly not capable of late nights anymore but luckily I wasn’t depressed out of my mind like I’d been after the wine binge in India (yes this means wine doesn’t suit me but I refuse to acknowledge this). An afternoon of beach time, swimming and loads of food had me ready for bed by 10pm. Phi Phi Island was a good laugh and everything but I don’t feel the need to go back again, ever.

Next stop was Ao Nang, where we’d booked into a swanky resort for Christmas. We wanted some pampering after being in hostels and guest houses in India and Thailand. It was absolute heaven! We had a pool, a gym, air conditioning, a kettle, hot showers, a balcony, towels….. It was lush… until the ceiling decided to almost cave in in the bathroom with a leak and we had to move room.

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Christmas day was spent pampering ourselves thanks to a gift from home from a loved one! We went to get foot scrubs, massages, manicures and pedicures. This was all after our buffet breakfast and some chill time reading and drinking coffee. It was exactly what I wanted. I can’t say I was too gone on the beach near us in Ao Nang but there was a bar with live music at sunset and a nice restaurant that we took ourselves to on Christmas night. I hadn’t realised until Goa, when I stumbled upon live music, how much I’d actually missed going to gigs. I love love loved an evening in London on my own taking myself for dinner and going to a gig. It was my idea of a perfect date with myself.  Finding live music in Ao Nang was an unreal surprise! We spent loads of money on delicious seafood and wine and went back to watch Love Actually. It was a smashing Christmas day! I spent one Christmas away 2 years ago and I really liked it but my sister had just had a baby, I was worried I’d be home sick on the day but I managed really well and felt great!

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The next day, however, I was an anxious wreck! I had a bottle of wine over dinner on Christmas day and as soon as I woke up I wasn’t feeling myself. As the day went on I told Shannon I was anxious. I went to do some yoga and after a few back bends (opening up the heart chakra which can release a lot of emotions), I was in hysterics on my mat. I wasn’t able to cope at all. I felt very low, like I’d missed all the family stuff at home, like I was in the wrong place, I shouldn’t be travelling, what am I doing, horrible thoughts circled from the summer and I just felt dreadful in myself and for some reasons my ex was on my mind. The usual vicious circle I go in when suffering with anxiety. When I feel anxious I instantly feel like a burden. When I feel well I know that this isn’t the case but you can’t but help feel like a burden who’s making no sense. I rang a dear friend who listened with patience as I circled and cried. He calmed me to no end and had me laughing by the end of the conversation and then my ex messaged. For the love of god! I messaged Shannon who came back with chocolate and we talked it out.

The day ended with a wonderful massage, again a gift from home. It was glorious. We had to move to a hostel that evening as we couldn’t afford to be staying in a hotel again. It was awesome and I was feeling a lot better. Shannon and I got to planning our next couple of weeks.

Within the space of a week my sister had a baby, I travelled from India to Thailand, I moved around Thailand, I was drinking more, it was Christmas and I was missing it all. I was bound to have a wobble. Thailand and India are so utterly different and I wasn’t acknowledging that I was going to have to adjust to travelling Thailand. I could feel it coming and I’m really glad I was able to have the support of the people around me. I was ready to settle for a bit in one place, so we were off to Koh Lanta to set up camp for ourselves for a week or so. I was so excited for it!