So I’m currently in Goa and had a couple of days of feeling really off balance. I think it’s fair to say the bender at the winery was the catalyst for this. Since leaving my yoga school in October I have craved some down time in the mountains but have wanted to travel India while I have this amazing opportunity with my girl Shannon. As we’ve travelled we’ve managed to actually stay in places for 4 or 5 nights which has been great for me. It’s allowed me to establish my routine of my yoga practise in the mornings and sometimes in the evening as well. I’ve been meditating every day and I’ve been feeling very positive.

I had an amazing time at the wine region and don’t regret a single thing. BUT, to have gone from really clean living, doing yoga every day, looking after my body, mind and soul, to an absolute the bender, I think…. Has sent me all out of whack. We had 2 days in the wine region, where we managed to sink an unfathomable amount of wine, only do 1.5 hours of yoga and zero meditation. Tuesday the 3rd of December was a long travel day which looked like:

8.15 leave Soma Vine village in taxi

9.15 arrive at train station Nasik

9.30 train from Nasik to Mumbai

13.20 tuk tuk to airport

14.00 arrive to airport

16.25 (flight delayed)

19.00 get on plane

19.30 plane takes off

20.45 land in Goa airport

21.30 get taxi to accommodation in North Goa

11.30 arrive in accommodation in North Goa

Needless to say I was cranky, irritable and fed up with travelling by the end of the day. We heard North Goa was a party scene, so only booked two nights. One for us arriving really late and one for us to have the full day in Anjuna, the beach we were staying near.

When we got down there for a walk the following day, we were very disappointed. The beach was very dirty, rubbish everywhere, the sand was polluted with oil and there were plenty of people still going from the night before. It was just the complete opposite of what I needed. I expected it but it wasn’t what I needed. We walked around the area and were basically done by noon. We cosied up in a cafe for the afternoon and looked at further planning.

The following day we wanted to travel to South Goa. The only way was by taxi which we wanted to share with some friends we’d made. This was also a challenge in itself. Between electricity going, friends not having data or Indian sims, taxi arrangements falling through, drops off to an airport and dodgy roads, we arrived to our accommodation in South Goa 5 hours later. Another day of long travels. I knew I needed some solo time. I was feeling unsettled and just ready for time completely on my own. I often need this and Shannon is aware of it. She takes no offence and knows I just need to be on my own. We have that mutual understanding and it’s why we’re managing to travel together so well.

We actually had a lovely evening together with some sunset beers and amazing food. Again, I was aware that I hadn’t done my solo time but I was keen to hang out and enjoy all Palolem had to offer..

The following day (we’re now on 6th December) I went to the beach to do some yoga, had a terrible session where I couldn’t focus or balance. I gave up and went for tea and read my book instead. I went for breakfast on my own and journalled to try figure out what was going on with me. I wrote and wrote and wrote and eventually got myself so upset I went back to our hut in floods of tears to Shannon. The poor girl had me crying with my hangover only 3 days previous and here I was again bawling but with no real reason. With some encouragement and questioning, I figured out I was all out of balance for multiple reasons:

1. Homesick: I had missed a weekend with my mam, dad, sister and brother in law the previous week. My sister was having her baby shower at the weekend and I wasn’t going to be there again.
2. Christmas time: since I’m lucky enough to have amazing experiences at Christmas, it is one of my favourite times of the year and I was missing home.
3. Alcohol: benders and me are no longer friends (not that we ever were).
4. Long periods of travels are getting more and more challenging and I’m exhausted.

It was so great to hash things out with Shannon and to know I wasn’t losing my mind. We were both feeling tired and challenged by the constant difficulty with travelling India. In just 5 to 6 weeks we’d travelled to Delhi, Pushkar, Jaipur, Agra, Varanassi, Ranthambore, Jodhpur, Udaipur, Mumbai, Nasik and Goa. Previous to this I’d done a soul searching month of yoga and ended it with dengue fever which lasted 2 weeks. 

Upon reflection it all made complete sense. I rang my sister and felt a lot more grounded. I went to a sound healing class which was absolutely amazing! I felt incredible after it, very at ease, very calm and as luck had it, a restaurant right beside it had live music once I finished my class.

I popped in, had a beer, some great curry and just soaked up the atmosphere.

Taking time out of the time to check in with myself is a recent skill I’ve developed. I’ve become more aware that I need a lot more solo time than a lot of people but I’d always delay it for events or certain people. I’d postpone my needs to ensure I didn’t put anyone out.  A lot of people take it as a personal insult if you require time on your own. I’m now developing this self awareness where I can recognise my needs and if someone is put out by my need for solo time that is on them, not me.

It’s been a testing time in India but also incredible. We’ve got 2 weeks left and we’re making the most of it with a 15 hour train ride to Kerala, backwaters tour, a spice plantation, a visit to Mysore and then Bangalore. I know it’ll be hectic and I know I’m ready for the beaches of Thailand and routine but after a few days rest in Partnem, I feel really rested, more balanced and ready to continue on some more adventures.